The following is text from Reverend Brynn Craffey's forum presentation on July 21st, 2024. This source comes via St. Paul's Cathedral. As a Queer-Identified Trans Man, Why Am I Still Part of the Church? So, I was born in the dark ages of the 1950s. A time with no internet, no gay newspapers, no queer bookstores—in fact, the word “queer” itself was a terrible slur. It was a time before there were any visible liberation movements of any kind in the small, California towns and mixed working and middle-class, almost all-white neighborhoods where I was living. No feminist movement to speak of. No environmental movement. No Occupy, nor Black Lives Matter. Regarding gender, the assumption was there were two-and-only-two, with the correct determination made at birth by a quick peek between the legs. No one was talking about sex; no sex-ed in schools: the very idea of THIS would have shocked the community I lived in! Photo of Rev. Craffey, c. 2024. In this insular, repressive, conformist environment, I didn’t know what to think of myself. I knew I was different, but had no words to articulate what I was feeling. As a result, I was pretty checked out. People regarded me as a tomboy, and by the era’s unspoken rules I was supposed to discard male clothing and start “acting like a lady” when I hit puberty. Under growing pressure to do this, I became increasingly confused and even more checked out. My spiritual journey formed a backdrop to this identity drama. I was baptized and raised as an Irish Roman Catholic, but going to church was something I tried to avoid—until, that is, I turned 10. We moved to a new town that summer and my parents enrolled me in an outdoor summer school taught by Jesuit seminarians and sponsored by a tiny Roman Catholic parish. It was a few weeks before the opening of Vatican II. And while I can’t remember details, whatever emancipatory vison of Christianity they presented there, under an open sky beside a beautiful natural wetlands ignited a spiritual fire in me! It was expansive, mystical, and powerful—emphasizing big ideas and an inspired understanding of God and our calls to service in the world. And it kindled an early sense of vocation that prompted me to beg my parents to send me to Catholic school. Which they managed to do, poor as we were, for the next 6 years. Sadly, the religion I encountered in school focused more on orthodox belief. Joy in being alive was suspect, and our attention was directed to the catechism and sin. The guilt-oriented approach slowly extinguished my spiritual fire. In the midst of disappointment, denial, and confusion, tragedy struck in my late teens. My mother committed suicide with a handgun and I found her. I lost my faith in a benevolent God in a heartbeat, and from that day forward, it became harder and harder to attend Mass. The aftermath of my mother’s death took a terrible toll. In the subsequent years, grief and trauma became tangled up with the church’s attitudes, not only toward suicide, but gender, sex, birth-control, abortion—and queerness. Untangling all this took years. It helped greatly that I moved to the San Francisco Bay Area in the era of Harvey Milk and an amazingly transformative lesbian and gay movement. Unfortunately, though, as I moved toward greater acceptance and coming out, American Christianity was increasingly embracing homophobia, misogyny, hypocrisy, and reactionary politics. My denial and confusion led me to complicate my situation by marrying and having a child, but—in retrospect not surprisingly—I chose a deeply closeted gay man to marry. We were both playacting, and after a number of years, both came out. In my case, first as a lesbian, then, ten years later in 1994, as a trans man. I experienced true joy and genuine happiness for the first time in my adult life; went through puberty in my 40s; and benefited in many ways being perceived as a young white man even though I was entering my 50s. And I was blessed to transition with some amazing history-makers, including Jamison Green, Susan Stryker, Loren Cameron, and Kate Bornstein. I marched in the first trans contingent in both the San Francisco and Dublin (Ireland) Pride Parades, and sat down for burritos once with Leslie Feinberg here in San Diego. My first tentative steps back to the church occurred through a Unitarian Universalist congregation in Solana Beach, which was my introduction to queer-affirming, “Christian” denominations. A call to ministry surfaced then, but it took the Eucharist to prompt me into actually attending seminary. Long story short is that I briefly dated a person in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. On a visit there, circumstances conspired to bring me into a Sunday evening service in an Anglican church—not that I knew it was Anglican at the time—on a tragic day. June 12th, 2016. The night before, 49 people, mostly queer-identified and many LatinX or people of color, were shot to death in the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, Fl. And two transformative things happened to me in that Anglican church that night. First, I was stunned when the priest entered and before starting the service, addressed the congregation movingly about the tragedy in faraway Orlando and how it was traumatizing the local community. The vision of a priest—vested like the Roman Catholic priests of my childhood—speaking lovingly about queer martyrs triggered a sort of cognitive dissonance, so accustomed had I become to associating these visual symbols with homophobia and transphobia. Then the service began, and as the moment to receive the Eucharist approached, I sat back in the pew so that people could pass. That’s when the priest issued the invitation you use here at St Paul’s. He welcomed EVERYONE to Christ’s table. That invitation moved me more than words can express and I received the Eucharist for the first time in roughly 50 years. And even though I didn’t start going to church for several more years, from that night on, the pull toward ministry grew stronger and stronger. Coincidentally—or is it the Holy Spirit’s doing?—I was ordained to the transitional diaconate on June 12th, 2021—five years to the day of receiving that Eucharist. Then on June 11th, 2022, I was ordained to the priesthood—as far as I know, the first openly queer-identified, trans person in BC to do so, and the second in Canada. And on June 12th, 2022, six years to that day in Winnipeg, I presided at my first Eucharist service. We LGBTQ+ people have much to offer the mainstream church—gifts that are relevant NOT just for people like us, but for EVERYONE! Particularly during this time of change we’re in, when so much is uncertain. It’s not just our resilience, insight, and abilities to think outside the box, it’s that we EMBODY hope and transformation. As a trans friend once pointed out, many of us understand viscerally what it’s like to die to one life and be resurrected to another. We understand, similarly to Jesus, what it’s like to transition—in the Lord’s case, from spirit into a physical, body; in our cases, from a life that feels wrong to one that is authentic. In light of ALL this, how can anyone believe that God wouldn’t want us to be full and affirmed members of God’s family? Read Rev. Craffey's sermon in context on St. Paul's Cathedral's website: https://stpaulcathedral.org/forum-from-outcast-to-priest-7-21-24/ This article is courtesy of St. Paul's Cathedral. All rights belong to Brynn Craffey. No copyright infringement is intended. The Trans Guy Archive shares this resource on our website for the purposes of education, research, and historical empowerment. Language: English Resource type: Article Publisher: Brynn Craffey, St. Paul's Cathedral Format: Text Date published: July 7th, 2024 Uploaded to TGA: October 30th, 2026 Last updated: October 30th, 2026

At an ISNA presentation in San Francisco, Brynn Craffey wondered how intersexual children, if assigned male in spite of having a diminutive penis, would deal with “the locker room problem.” It happens that Brynn was an acquaintance, and I knew that he was an FTM transsexual, and had decided against genital surgery. “How do you deal with the locker room, Brynn?” I asked him. You could almost see the light bulb go off over his head as it dawned on him that he himself deals successfully with “the locker room problem” on a regular basis. While there are important differences between an adult like Brynn—who can choose to brave the locker room or not— and a child, I found Brynn’s story fascinating, and asked him to write it up for Chrysalis readers —Ed. Showering “sans penis” in the YMCA men’s locker-room presents a few logistical challenges. Every time I pull it off, though, I feel such a thrill and sense of accomplishment. It’s surprisingly easy. Attitude is everything. When I pad, barefoot and dripping in swim trunks into the crowded shower-room, first thing I do is check in with myself. Am I feeling utterly self-confident? Am I totally convinced of my right to be there, even without a large, dangling member between my legs? In other words, do I feel legitimate penetrating this traditional male sanctum without first paying homage to our culture’s binary notion of gender by spreading my thighs to the surgeon’s scalpel? Most of the time, the answer is a resounding yes! I thread my way down the center aisle, a lone “post top-surgical” female-to-male transsexual who eschews bottom surgery, surrounded by naked, penisequipped men. On my way to a nozzle in a far corner, my feelings run the gamut. Curiosity: Penises fascinate me no end (pun intended). Entitlement: This is where I’ve belonged my whole life, dammit! And caution: Don’t let my transgression be discovered. I glance right and left out of the corners of my eyes. Is anyone paying me undue attention? I maintain a blank facial expression and avoid gazing long on any individual. In two years’ transition from living as a woman to living as a man, I’ve mastered the fundamentals of heterosexual male locker room etiquette. I give myself permission to bail at any point. If I’m uneasy, even if I don’t know why. If someone’s crowding me. If I can’t claim a corner nozzle. Or if I simply lack the nerve. I’ll not drop my trunks that day. I can always shower with them on—a lot of guys do. For me, the decision to shower or not rests on being true to myself in that it depends on listening to my inner voice. It’s a minor variation on the theme of my coming out as FTM only to discover that “hermaphrodite” more closely approximates my gender identity. My physical form, like my life, is far too diverse to be neatly categorized as either female or male. I love my testosterone-induced “in between” genitalia and am uninterested in lower surgery. Top surgery, however, was lifesaving. As was starting testosterone injections, developing secondary male sex characteristics and living publicly as a man. There’s more than just my male side, though. The peak experience of my life to date has been bearing, birthing and raising my daughter. In short, mothering. I’ve no desire to disavow that traditionally “female” experience, even as I say that to live the second half of my life as a woman would have rendered me suicidal. For me, encompassing these seemingly contradictory gender characteristics is both easy and natural. Hence, my comfort with the label hermaphrodite. Granted, I’ve come to this identity as an adult and thereby avoided the distress of growing up physically different in a culture that demands conformity. And, unlike most intersexed people, I chose the terms under which I submitted to the surgeon’s scalpel. These distinctions are huge. On the other hand, I wrestle with similar identity questions and logistical issues as those who were born physically intersexed. Some struggles, such as those involving my self-esteem, are private. Others, like showering at the Y or coming out to potential lovers, operate in a more public realm. In every case, I strive to remain faithful to my truth by listening closely to my heart. Thus, if for any reason I don’t want to shower naked, I don’t. But most of the time, after checking in with myself, I want to. Which brings me back to showering strategy. Second to attitude, positioning is critical. The YMCA shower is laid out on a rectangular plan, with nozzles spaced roughly every half-meter the entire length of the room. Only two corners afford privacy—the other two are compromised by proximity to an exit. If the two safe corners are occupied, I’ll position myself at a nearby nozzle, start my shower with trunks on and move over when a corner becomes free. If done casually, this maneuver goes unnoticed. Remember, gang, showers inspire modesty. If anybody notices that I always choose a corner, I imagine they chalk it up to shyness or assume my dick is smaller than theirs. Which it most likely is. No problemo, as long as no one sees how different my genitals are and tries to bar my entry into male space. Once I claim my corner, I drop my trunks, keeping my back to the room at all times. Even if a guy is showering inches away at an adjoining nozzle, he can’t see my crotch as long as I face the corner. If I need to turn, to rinse off soap for example, I cup my hand over my genitals as if cradling them—a common enough gesture in the showers. When I’m done, I securely wrap my towel around my waist—don’t want it accidentally slipping—and walk to my locker. I’ve dressed at my locker with as many as four guys inches away, all of us putting on or taking off clothes. Again, the key to success is to choose a corner and keep your back turned or towel on. Pull up underwear under the towel. Locker room etiquette dictates that straight men not check each other out. While we all know they do, when crowded elbow-to-elbow the big concern is to avoid being checked out or— worse—get caught looking. Everyone’s too preoccupied about themselves to pay much attention to anyone else. This may be the single way that the perversity of homophobia works in favor of FTMs and others with non- conventional genitalia. I believe in challenging homophobia —and I do in other venues. Likewise, I want to overturn our culture’s dominant male/female gender paradigm. However, I prefer to choose my battleground and the YMCA locker room is a place I’d rather just slip in and out unnoticed. Showering there serves as subversively inspirational for myself and my friends—a way to circumvent the gender police rather than confront them head-on. And it’s fun. Dare I say, “good clean fun”? As I stated in the beginning, I get a thrill every time I pull it off, both from a subversive place and for the simple reason that I’m in the men’s locker room. Read the entirety of Craffey's article in context in the Fall 1997/Winter 1998 issue of Chrysalis below. This magazine article is courtesy of the Internet Archive. All rights belong to Brynn Craffey and Chrysalis publishers. No copyright infringement is intended. The Trans Guy Archive shares this resource on our website for the purposes of education, research, and historical empowerment. Language: English Resource type: Article, magazine article Publisher: Chrysalis (The Journal of Transgressive Gender Identities) Format: Text Date published: Fall 1997. Republished to The Intersex Society of North America (ISNA) some time pre-2008. Uploaded to TGA: October 30th, 2026 Last updated: October 30th, 2026

An event poster titled ""T" for Two, A Dialogue for queer FTMs and other gay men" that took place August 24, 2000 in Collingwood, San Francisco. This poster is courtesy of JSTOR. All rights belong to the Stop AIDS Project. No copyright infringement is intended. The Trans Guy Archive shares this resource on our website for the purposes of education, research, and historical empowerment. Language: English Resource type: Event flyer, poster Publisher: Stop AIDS Project Format: Image Date published: 2000 Uploaded to TGA: August 9th, 2026 Last updated: August 9th 2026

A 1995 film by Kim Longinotto and Jano Williams. It explores the lives of three transgender men who work at the New Marilyn Club in Tokyo, Japan. (per IMDb) This documentary is courtesy of the Internet Archive. All rights belong to Kim Longinotto & Alan Bookbinder. No copyright infringement is intended. The Trans Guy Archive shares this resource on our website for the purposes of education, research, and historical empowerment. Language: Japanese with English subtitles Resource type: Video, Documentary, Film Format: Video Time: 00:53:55 Director: Kim Longinotto & Jano Williams Date published: 1995 Uploaded to TGA: August 5th, 2026 Last updated: August 5th, 2026

FTM was a quarterly newsletter started by activist and author Lou Sullivan in 1987. Sullivan, who had founded the organization FTM International, hoped to promote an understanding of transmasculine people and wanted to provide services and community to their lives. The FTM newsletter contained everything, like articles on topical FTM issues, local events, advertisements selling the latest stand-to-pee protheses, and a "classifieds" section for those looking for social connection. The FTM newsletter would run for sixty-seven issues over twenty-one years, from 1987 to 2008. After Sullivan's untimely death from AIDS-related illness, the responsibility passed on to author Jamison "James" Green. Some of the names and information in the newsletter below have been redacted for personal safety. Unable to view the PDF file? Download the content below: This newsletter is courtesy of the University of Victoria’s Transgender Archives. All rights belong to the original publishers. No copyright infringement is intended. The Trans Guy Archive shares this resource on our website for the purposes of education, research, and historical empowerment. Language: English Resource type: Newsletter Format: PDF Date published: August 1997 Uploaded to TGA: August 5th, 2026 Last updated: August 5th, 2026

Happy mid-summer, everyone! The Trans Guy Archive has been a bit slow in terms of updating these last few months, but that means that this month's zine is especially juicy. If you're unable to view the PDF below, the zine is in image format underneath. If you enjoy the work that the Trans Guy Archive does, feel free to buy us a coffee (or a new book)! (click to enlarge)

This anonymous writer is a gay man and FTM. In his own words, "Hello. I'm another FTM, a friend of Mr. FTM in fact. It would be an exaggeration to say that we all knew each other, but it wouldn't be too far off the mark either - who else would we swap bathroom stories with?" Unable to view the PDF file? Download the content below: This anonymous letter is courtesy of the submission of TGA visitor Derek H. All rights belong to the the original anonymous author and editor. No copyright infringement is intended. The Trans Guy Archive shares this resource on our website for the purposes of education, research, and historical empowerment. Language: English Resource type: Article, think piece, op-ed Publisher: Unknown Format: PDF Date published: June 1996 Uploaded to TGA: July 20th, 2026 Last updated: July 20th, 2026

CP Burke is an author whose work was archived by Planet Q. (Contains mentions of transphobia) Unable to view the PDF file? Download the content below: This article is courtesy of the Planet Q and a visitor's donation. All rights belong to the original publishers. No copyright infringement is intended. The Trans Guy Archive shares this resource on our website for the purposes of education, research, and historical empowerment. Language: English Resource type: Article, interview Publisher: Planet Q Format: PDF Date published: March 1996 Uploaded to TGA: July 20th, 2026 Last updated: July 20th, 2026

FTM was a quarterly newsletter started by activist and author Lou Sullivan in 1987. Sullivan, who had founded the organization FTM International, hoped to promote an understanding of transmasculine people and wanted to provide services and community to their lives. The FTM newsletter contained everything, like articles on topical FTM issues, local events, advertisements selling the latest stand-to-pee protheses, and a "classifieds" section for those looking for social connection. The FTM newsletter would run for sixty-seven issues over twenty-one years, from 1987 to 2008. After Sullivan's untimely death from AIDS-related illness, the responsibility passed on to author Jamison "James" Green. Some of the names and information in the newsletter below have been redacted for personal safety. Unable to view the PDF file? Download the content below: This newsletter is courtesy of the University of Victoria’s Transgender Archives. All rights belong to the original publishers. No copyright infringement is intended. The Trans Guy Archive shares this resource on our website for the purposes of education, research, and historical empowerment. Language: English Resource type: Newsletter Format: PDF Date published: June 1997 Uploaded to TGA: July 17th, 2026 Last updated: July 17th, 2026

FTM was a quarterly newsletter started by activist and author Lou Sullivan in 1987. Sullivan, who had founded the organization FTM International, hoped to promote an understanding of transmasculine people and wanted to provide services and community to their lives. The FTM newsletter contained everything, like articles on topical FTM issues, local events, advertisements selling the latest stand-to-pee protheses, and a "classifieds" section for those looking for social connection. The FTM newsletter would run for sixty-seven issues over twenty-one years, from 1987 to 2008. After Sullivan's untimely death from AIDS-related illness, the responsibility passed on to author Jamison "James" Green. Some of the names and information in the newsletter below have been redacted for personal safety. Unable to view the PDF file? Download the content below: This newsletter is courtesy of the University of Victoria’s Transgender Archives. All rights belong to the original publishers. No copyright infringement is intended. The Trans Guy Archive shares this resource on our website for the purposes of education, research, and historical empowerment. Language: English Resource type: Newsletter Format: PDF Date published: March 1997 Uploaded to TGA: July 17th, 2026 Last updated: July 17th, 2026

FTM was a quarterly newsletter started by activist and author Lou Sullivan in 1987. Sullivan, who had founded the organization FTM International, hoped to promote an understanding of transmasculine people and wanted to provide services and community to their lives. The FTM newsletter contained everything, like articles on topical FTM issues, local events, advertisements selling the latest stand-to-pee protheses, and a "classifieds" section for those looking for social connection. The FTM newsletter would run for sixty-seven issues over twenty-one years, from 1987 to 2008. After Sullivan's untimely death from AIDS-related illness, the responsibility passed on to author Jamison "James" Green. Some of the names and information in the newsletter below have been redacted for personal safety. Unable to view the PDF file? Download the content below: This newsletter is courtesy of the University of Victoria’s Transgender Archives. All rights belong to the original publishers. No copyright infringement is intended. The Trans Guy Archive shares this resource on our website for the purposes of education, research, and historical empowerment. Language: English Resource type: Newsletter Format: PDF Date published: Autumn 1996 Uploaded to TGA: July 17th, 2026 Last updated: July 17th, 2026

EMBODIMENT is an experimental film, retracing the autoethnography of a transmasculine person from the Chinese diaspora. Artist's Statement: "This short film is the first of a series to come, it is born out of my political self-recovery and reflections on the meaning and crucial importance of racial passing in the context of a white-majority country. I saw myself reflected in the little girl of the world famous photo from the Vietnam War, then found myself to be haunted by her, this film is the first in a series, that explores art as an act of mourning and of holding emotional space for the common experience of marginalized people's uncanny relationship to the dead and the wounded." This documentary film is courtesy of Vimeo. All rights belong to Soleil Ren. No copyright infringement is intended. The Trans Guy Archive shares this resource on our website for the purposes of education, research, and historical empowerment. Language: English, Chinese (subtitles) Resource type: Video, Documentary, Short Film Format: Video Time: 00:02:34 Director: Soleil Ren Date published: 2022 Uploaded to TGA: June 23rd, 2026 Last updated: June 23rd, 2026